Does Barack Obama use your product?

Posted by richard

We’ve been asked before if our new President, Barack Obama, is a client of our pills. But, because we pledge to keep our client’s record absolutely secret, we can’t say one way or the other.

However, we can say that many of the qualities people see in President Obama are the kinds of personality traits that taking a penis reducing placebo might help to enhance — the supernatural, inner calm; the supreme confidence it enables those taking them to exude, and an absolute coolness that emanates from every pore — all may be strengthened by those who take our North American-made, penis reducing placebos every day. Sometimes twice a day, even.

I really have a large, very large penis

Posted by richard

Will your pills work for me?

Very likely not, since they are placebos and have no known pharmacological effects.  I’d suggest you speak with your physician, and perhaps visit a local or online support group.

Do you have any celebrity endorsers of your product?

Posted by richard

At present, we have been unable to con any actual celebrities into endorsing, or even admitting to using, our products.  However, we are actively pursuing several “D” and below list celebrities in an attempt to lend some credibility to our placebo product.  Should any consent to the use of their name or likeness then we’ll gladly change the generic clip art image to the left into one of an actual celebrity and send out a multitude of press releases.

Are your products herbal?

Posted by richard

No. They’re candy. Sweet, tart candy, in fact. It’s unlikely that there are any herbs in them at all, save perhaps for some trace amounts left over from whatever was made in the container before them. Even if they were herbal, they’d be herbal placebos, and when you say “herbal placebo” you’re often just repeating yourself.

I have weird dietary restrictions!

Posted by richard

Are these safe to eat if I’m a vegetarian or vegan?

Yes, as far as we know there is no reason that you couldn’t eat these even if you eschew all animal or animal-connected products.  If you’re against plant violence, well, then I can tell you that the dextrose and carnauba wax were both extracted rather violently from plants.

Now, that said, keep in mind that these are placebos, and it’s unlikely whether you’ll experience any effect at all from consuming them, so you’re free to order the product and never open the bottle.  Or, if you’re on something like the Atkins diet, order away and then dump out the placebos and replace the contents of the bottle with bacon bits, and take a handful three times a day, or whatever.

Our ingredients in our original, spherical pills: Dextrose, Citric Acid, Calcium, Stearate, Tapioca Dextrin, Confectioner’s Glaze, Carnauba Wax, Artificial Flavors & Colors (including FD&C Red 40Lake, Blue 1Lake, Yellow 5Lake, Red 40, Blue 1, Yellow 5) Manufactured by Concord Confections, Inc.  Concord, Ontario. L4K3N1.

And, our new “penis-shaped” pills: dextrose, maltodextrin, artificial flavors, calcium stearate, resinous glaze, tapioca, dextrin, carnauba wax, colors (including yellow 5&6, red 40, blue 1).

Do you collect sales tax?

Posted by richard

Yes, because we are a a California based business (and, we use business in the loosest possible sense) we must collect sales taxes for shipments to addresses in California.  Then, a couple times a year we have to send it into the state after filling out this really long form explaining where we sold everything to.

If you’re a reseller, contact us at [email protected] and we’ll talk terms.