What are your weasel words so you can sell these things?

Posted by richard in FAQ

• This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.
• They’re placebos.  A placebo is a substance which has no pharmacological effect but which the patient believes is a medicine.
• In this case in particular, they’re mini sweet candies.
• So, long story short: You’re paying for candy, in a well-labeled bottle, shipped to you in a box with “Penis Reduction Pills” printed in large letters on all six sides.
• None of these claims have been investigated by the Food and Drug Administration.  I hope they never are; I bet an investigation by the FDA would be really expensive.
• Our penis reduction placebos contain inert chemicals, mixed in specific quantities and under secret conditions so that they combine to yield the finest penis reduction placebos available on the market today.
• One pill a day ( or four, or twelve, or even zero ) are equally effective in reducing the size of the male member.
• Even though you’ve paid for them, we do not recommend you eat the placebos.  They were quite expensive; better to just go buy some jelly beans and eat one of them every morning, so that the pill bottle remains pristine and continues to impress whomever sees it.
• We especially do not recommend you eat them if you have any medical condition which would restrict your consumption of sugar, such as diabetes or an extreme sweet tooth.
• Results may vary.  But, if they do, it’s your own fault, since it means your brain refused to do whatever magic causes the placebo effect to work.  It always worked for us when we believed it would work.