What results can I expect if I use these?

Posted by richard

If you use our penis reduction placebo pills as directed, you can expect results like this:

Before taking penis reducing placebos

After taking penis reducing placebos

Will you sell these to a minor?

Posted by richard

Although no prescription is required, and although the placebos we sell should in no way affect the size of the wang of a person under age 18 ( 14 in Alabama ), we as a matter of policy will not sell to anyone under the age of 18.  Therefore, during checkout we will ask you for your age.  Do not lie if you are under 18 and say you’re older, and then try to sound all adult-like and talk about shows like the Golden Girls or about how the kids today, what with wearing their pants down around their knees, because we’re not falling for it and we know you’re not old enough to buy these.

So, we recommend that our customers under age 18 do what we had to do.  Steal your dad’s penis reduction pills.

Do you send out email or spam?

Posted by richard

Nope.  The only email we send out is if you create an account as part of ordering a product from us, status about an order you’ve placed with us, or responses from us if you email us asking a question or making a suggestion.  We do not “spam” email addresses, don’t send unsolicited email, and never will.

Please report any unsolicited email from us to abuse@penisreductionpills.com and we’ll do everything we can to determine where it’s coming from and resolve it.  If we do somehow have your information (perhaps because someone has signed up with us using your email address) we’ll remove it from our system and try to make sure it doesn’t occur again.

Are you a scummy internet scam designed to steal my money?

Posted by richard

We get this a lot.  No, we are not a scummy internet scam.  No, we aren’t planning to steal your credit card info and run you out of house and home.  No, we don’t intend to keep records of our purchasers and use them later to blackmail anyone who happens to buy our product and then become the governor of New York.

Instead, what we are is a small, family based business selling placebos which may or may not reduce the size of the male member, delivered to you in well-sized boxes with our logo printed on all six sides.  Since we use PayPal for all our payment processing, we don’t even get your credit card number.

So, you can order from us with confidence, secure in the knowledge that your information is secure.  And, if you’re still worried, talk one of your friends into ordering them for you.

Can I order for someone else?

Posted by richard

Yes, of course.  This being America, or maybe Canada, since we only ship to those places, you’re free to spend your money any way you want, and if you want to spend it on penis reducing pills for someone else, well, we’re all for it.

That said, we’re going to include all of the information we have about who ordered it in the box, since we want the recipient to know who to thank.  Don’t try to order these as a gag; the person who eventually gets it is just going to come kick your ass if they’re not as appreciative as you hope.

What are your weasel words so you can sell these things?

Posted by richard

• This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.
• They’re placebos.  A placebo is a substance which has no pharmacological effect but which the patient believes is a medicine.
• In this case in particular, they’re mini sweet candies.
• So, long story short: You’re paying for candy, in a well-labeled bottle, shipped to you in a box with “Penis Reduction Pills” printed in large letters on all six sides.
• None of these claims have been investigated by the Food and Drug Administration.  I hope they never are; I bet an investigation by the FDA would be really expensive.
• Our penis reduction placebos contain inert chemicals, mixed in specific quantities and under secret conditions so that they combine to yield the finest penis reduction placebos available on the market today.
• One pill a day ( or four, or twelve, or even zero ) are equally effective in reducing the size of the male member.
• Even though you’ve paid for them, we do not recommend you eat the placebos.  They were quite expensive; better to just go buy some jelly beans and eat one of them every morning, so that the pill bottle remains pristine and continues to impress whomever sees it.
• We especially do not recommend you eat them if you have any medical condition which would restrict your consumption of sugar, such as diabetes or an extreme sweet tooth.
• Results may vary.  But, if they do, it’s your own fault, since it means your brain refused to do whatever magic causes the placebo effect to work.  It always worked for us when we believed it would work.