Faq on Penis Reduction Pills

Does Barack Obama use your product?

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 21:08:03 +0000

We’ve been asked before if our new President, Barack Obama, is a client of our pills. But, because we pledge to keep our client’s record absolutely secret, we can’t say one way or the other.

However, we can say that many of the qualities people see in President Obama are the kinds of personality traits that taking a penis reducing placebo might help to enhance – the supernatural, inner calm; the supreme confidence it enables those taking them to exude, and an absolute coolness that emanates from every pore – all may be strengthened by those who take our North American-made, penis reducing placebos every day. Sometimes twice a day, even.

I really have a large, very large penis

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 21:07:25 +0000

Will your pills work for me?

Very likely not, since they are placebos and have no known pharmacological effects. Â I’d suggest you speak with your physician, and perhaps visit a local orÂ online support group.

Do you have any celebrity endorsers of your product?

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 21:06:50 +0000

At present, we have been unable to con any actual celebrities into endorsing, or even admitting to using, our products. Â However, we are actively pursuing several “D” and below list celebrities in an attempt to lend some credibility to our placebo product. Â Should any consent to the use of their name or likeness then we’ll gladly change the generic clip art image to the left into one of an actual celebrity and send out a multitude of press releases.

Are your products herbal?

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 21:06:20 +0000

No. They’re candy. Sweet, tart candy, in fact. It’s unlikely that there are any herbs in them at all, save perhaps for some trace amounts left over from whatever was made in the container before them. Even if they were herbal, they’d be herbal placebos, and when you say “herbal placebo” you’re often just repeating yourself.

I have weird dietary restrictions!

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 21:05:46 +0000

Are these safe to eat if I’m a vegetarian or vegan?

Yes, as far as we know there is no reason that you couldn't eat these even if you eschew all animal or animal-connected products. Â If you're against plant violence, well, then I can tell you that the dextrose and carnauba wax were both extracted rather violently from plants.

Now, that said, keep in mind that these are placebos, and it’s unlikely whether you’ll experience any effect at all from consuming them, so you’re free to order the product and never open the bottle. Â Or, if you’re on something like the Atkins diet, order away and then dump out the placebos and replace the contents of the bottle with bacon bits, and take a handful three times a day, or whatever.

Do you collect sales tax?

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 21:05:26 +0000

Yes, because we are a a California based businessÂ (and, we use business in the loosest possible sense) we must collect sales taxes for shipments to addresses in California.Â Then, a couple times a year we have to send it into the state after filling out this really long form explaining where we sold everything to.

If you’re a reseller, contact us atÂ info@penisreductionpills.com and we’ll talk terms.

What results can I expect if I use these?

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 21:04:12 +0000

If you use our penis reduction placebo pills as directed, you can expect results like this:

Will you sell these to a minor?

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 21:03:52 +0000

Although no prescription is required, and although the placebos we sell should in no way affect the size of the wang of a person under age 18 ( 14 in Alabama ), we as a matter of policy will not sell to anyone under the age of 18. Â Therefore, during checkout we will ask you for your age. Â Do not lie if you are under 18 and say you’re older, and then try to sound all adult-like and talk about shows like the Golden Girls or about how the kids today, what with wearing their pants down around their knees, because we’re not falling for it and we know you’re not old enough to buy these.

Do you send out email or spam?

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 21:02:39 +0000

Nope. Â The only email we send out is if you create an account as part of ordering a product from us, status about an order you’ve placed with us, or responses from us if you email us asking a question or making a suggestion. Â We do not “spam” email addresses, don’t send unsolicited email, and never will.

Please report any unsolicited email from us toÂ abuse@penisreductionpills.com and we’ll do everything we can to determine where it’s coming from and resolve it. Â If we do somehow have your information (perhaps because someone has signed up with us using your email address) we’ll remove it from our system and try to make sure it doesn’t occur again.

Are you a scummy internet scam designed to steal my money?

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 21:02:14 +0000

We get this a lot. Â No, we are not a scummy internet scam. Â No, we aren’t planning to steal your credit card info and run you out of house and home. Â No, we don’t intend to keep records of our purchasers and use them later to blackmail anyone who happens to buy our product and then become the governor of New York.

Instead, what we are is a small, family based business selling placebos which may or may not reduce the size of the male member, delivered to you in well-sized boxes with our logo printed on all six sides. Â Since we use PayPal for all our payment processing, we don’t even get your credit card number.

Can I order for someone else?

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 21:01:23 +0000

Yes, of course. Â This being America, or maybe Canada, since we only ship to those places, you’re free to spend your money any way you want, and if you want to spend it on penis reducing pills for someone else, well, we’re all for it.

That said, we’re going to include all of the information we have about who ordered it in the box, since we want the recipient to know who to thank. Â Don’t try to order these as a gag; the person who eventually gets it is just going to come kick your ass if they’re not as appreciative as you hope.

What are your weasel words so you can sell these things?

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 21:00:43 +0000

This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease.
They'reÂ placebos.Â Â A placebo is a substance which has no pharmacological effect but which the patient believes is a medicine.
In this case in particular, they're mini sweet candies.
So, long story short: You're paying for candy, in a well-labeled bottle, shipped to you in a box with "Penis Reduction Pills" printed in large letters on all six sides.
None of these claims have been investigated by the Food and Drug Administration. Â I hope they never are; I bet an investigation by the FDA would be really expensive.
Our penis reduction placebos contain inert chemicals, mixed in specific quantities and under secret conditions so that they combine to yield the finest penis reduction placebos available on the market today.
One pill a day ( or four, or twelve, or even zero ) are equally effective in reducing the size of the male member.
Even though you've paid for them, we do not recommend you eat the placebos. Â They were quite expensive; better to just go buy some jelly beans and eat one of them every morning, so that the pill bottle remains pristine and continues to impress whomever sees it.
We especially do not recommend you eat them if you have any medical condition which would restrict your consumption of sugar, such as diabetes or an extreme sweet tooth.
Results may vary. Â But, if they do, it's your own fault, since it means your brain refused to do whatever magic causes the placebo effect to work. Â It always worked for us when we believed it would work.

Please describe the boxes you use to send the pills in

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 20:59:56 +0000

We use only the finest corrugated two-ply cardboard boxes, manufactured here in America. Â Economies of scale don’t allow us to do our own research into appropriate cardboard box design and construction, but our staff and quality control auditors do inspect every shipment which comes in to insure that you receive the highest quality cardboard box available on the market today.

The boxes are printed with our logo, â€œPenis Reduction Pills.comâ€, on all six sides in at least 36pt lettering, and larger sizes on the larger boxes. Â The ink used is lead and VOC free, yet has among the most durable and resilient blacks on the market today. Â If you order one of our boxes, and your neighbors or roommates can’t read what it says even after it’s sat on a rainy porch for a week, we’ll gladly refund none of your money.

Are you the premiere male enhancement product on the market today?

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 20:58:57 +0000

In short, no. Â But, we are the premiere male ego enhancement product on the market today which costs under $10. Â There are many male ego enhancement products on the market today. Â For example, the Porsche 996 Carrera Cabriolet, or pretty much any really fast car that costs a metric butt-load of money. Â Sure, some may frown on the Porsche, saying that the Ferrari or some other really fast, really expensive car is the ticket, but that really just proves the point, namely that a really fast, really expensive car is prima-facia a male ego enhancer. Think of every guy you know who has such a car, and then think of his ego – it’s always a big ego. Â But, since these cars run well above $95,000 original MSRP, they are well into the “unaffordable” territory for the average person looking for a gift for their husband or boyfriend, and even most dudes won’t drop that much on a car unless they’re really insecure ( by which everyone knows you mean “tiny” ) and thus not a target for our product. Â Thus, at $9.95, we’re much cheaper and almost equally as good as a really expensive car. Â That’s what we call in latin a “que et demonstratum”, or something like that.

What are penis reducing placebos?

Thu, 28 Jan 2010 20:56:00 +0000

Glad you asked, since otherwise our crack staff of writers would be wasting their time.

Placebos are harmless pills with no known physiological effects which are prescribed for their psychological benefits. Â The uses of placebos go way back in medicine, but modern uses probably began with Dr. T. Graves, who published the paper “Commentary on a Case of Hystero-Epilepsy with Delayed Puberty: Treated with Testicular Extract” – and so, it’s probably safe to say that placebos and the groin area have been linked from the beginning. Â In the 1930 and early 1940s many medical researchers found that in studies where a portion of the group not being given the studied active ingredient but were instead given pills which had no known active ingredient, but weren’t told this fact that some portion of these groups nonetheless seemed to experience a difference when compared to the control group, sometimes seeming as if they were being given the active ingredient.