“Many times, when recreating the performances of Elvis Presley from his later, chubby period, I’m asked if Elvis would have been a customer of Penis Reduction Pills.com. I point out that the internet and word-wide web hadn’t yet been invented at the time the King died, but that I’m sure he would have been a regular customer of the mail-order service available. In fact, I’ve heard under the table from some of Elvis’s confidants that he kept bottles of the pills in all of his houses and took them along on every major tour. In his memory, I take a double dose myself every day.”

-Populära Sångerska, semi-professional Elvis Presley impersonator