“Many times, when recre­at­ing the per­for­mances of Elvis Pres­ley from his later, chubby period, I’m asked if Elvis would have been a cus­tomer of Penis Reduc­tion Pills.com. I point out that the inter­net and word-wide web hadn’t yet been invented at the time the King died, but that I’m sure he would have been a reg­u­lar cus­tomer of the mail-order ser­vice avail­able. In fact, I’ve heard under the table from some of Elvis’s con­fi­dants that he kept bot­tles of the pills in all of his houses and took them along on every major tour. In his mem­ory, I take a dou­ble dose myself every day.”

–Pop­ulära Sånger­ska, semi-professional Elvis Pres­ley impersonator

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