Internet Search Engine Optimization scams

Posted by admin

I get a lot of email from various internet specialists who offer me services to do things like “increase your page rank in Google”, or “pick the right keywords so people can find you better”, and, frankly, I’m mystified since right now I think we’re ranked great in Google.

If you, for example, do a search for “penis reduction pill” then we’re almost always the first link. And, the second link and third link as well. In fact, most of the links on the front page are to this site, so frankly I think these SEO specialists would have their work cut out for us.

Thank god we’re not in the penis enlargement pill business (and, for heavens sake, WHY?) because for some reason lots of folks seem to be selling them. Lord knows a day doesn’t go by that I don’t see to get some kind of email asking me to buy something to make my penis bigger, or longer, or harder, or whatever, and I just have to laugh to myself and say “Oh, I’m of the opinion that mine is quite large enough, thank you, so much so that I’m taking a penis reducing placebo every morning and want everyone to know that.”

We are *not* under investigation

Posted by richard

I’d just like to assure all of our customers that we here at Penis Reduction Pills.com, a subsidiary of Placebo Labs.com, are NOT under investigation by the United States Federal Drugs Administration, nor by the European Union Commissioner of Health, nor by (as far as we know) any other government agency. We pride ourselves on selling only the finest placebos, and anything you’ve heard to the contrary is just sour grapes from our competition.

We’ve been acquired!

Posted by admin

I guess I’m pleased to say that the assets and intellectual property of Penis Reduction Pills has been acquired by Placebo Labs, a California company which has been advancing the use and misuse of placebos in the marketplace today.  I’ll be a vice president, overseeing something or the other — I’m sure they’ll find good stuff for me to do.

I’m a bit melancholy about this – certainly, it’s been a tough road so far bringing granddad’s company back to life, with a lot of ups and downs, and sales haven’t been as good as I would have hoped for, but Placebo Labs will be able to bring a lot of new capital and brainpower and I’m sure that together we’ll succeed beyond my wildest dreams.

An old ad that I found in the files…

Posted by richard

A couple days ago I promised I’d start scanning in and posting some of the ads that I’ve found in the files from when grandad and Uncle Piccilo were running the business.  Here’s one that must have run sometime in the late 1950s, because that’s when they were in Minnetonka and using the given PO box.  All I have is a tear sheet, but I suspect this ad ran in the back third of Popular Mechanics.

I suspect this ad was created by either Piccillo or perhaps by Baylord & Associates, which was the New York advertising firm that they worked with for most of the 1950s and early 1960s. Eventually they moved over to Grant & Grant, a different firm in New York, and sales took off around 1964.

Note that the price for a month supply was $3, which at the time included shipping.  Based on the customer records I’ve seen, I suspect that they were selling about 1500 or so bottles a month, although about 2/3 of those were to “repeat” customers.

Richard was also trying to get certifications from various medical societies around this time; maybe next I’ll post the ad I found showing a doctor who recommended that most of his male patients take these.

Picture of Grandpa

Posted by richard

Here’s a photo of my grandpa, Richard Magnus Sr. and grandma, probably taken sometime in the 1980s.  I think it was taken shortly before their fourtieth wedding anniversary, so he’d be about 65 years old in this picture.

I really look up to my grand-dad, because he was smart and funny and always on top of things.  When I was young I wanted to grow up an be just liek him.  Alot of this, I know, came because he ran such a successful business.

I can only hope that I have 1/10th of the success that he had.

Recently, a Scotsman asked me…

Posted by richard

if I had any suggestion for what he could do to feel more comfortable while taking a daily stroll around the mall. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that even in full Scots regalia, wearing a standard issue kilt, that nobody was at much risk of seeing his little Scotsman.

Instead, I told him what I’ve told thousands of our fine customers — that, if he was concerned about his little Braveheart scaring the villagers that he should take some of our un-patented, penis reduction pills. They’re the perfect antidote to the problem that he doesn’t have.