Penis Reduction Pills » FAQ

Does Barack Obama use your product?

richard — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 05:08:03 +0000

We’ve been asked before if our new President, Barack Obama, is a client of our pills. But, because we pledge to keep our client’s record absolutely secret, we can’t say one way or the other.

However, we can say that many of the qualities people see in President Obama are the kinds of personality traits that taking a penis reducing placebo might help to enhance — the supernatural, inner calm; the supreme confidence it enables those taking them to exude, and an absolute coolness that emanates from every pore — all may be strengthened by those who take our North American-made, penis reducing placebos every day. Sometimes twice a day, even.

I really have a large, very large penis

richard — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 05:07:25 +0000

Will your pills work for me?

Very likely not, since they are placebos and have no known pharmacological effects. I’d suggest you speak with your physician, and perhaps visit a local or online support group.

Do you have any celebrity endorsers of your product?

richard — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 05:06:50 +0000

At present, we have been unable to con any actual celebrities into endorsing, or even admitting to using, our products. However, we are actively pursuing several “D” and below list celebrities in an attempt to lend some credibility to our placebo product. Should any consent to the use of their name or likeness then we’ll gladly change the generic clip art image to the left into one of an actual celebrity and send out a multitude of press releases.

Are your products herbal?

richard — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 05:06:20 +0000

No. They’re candy. Sweet, tart candy, in fact. It’s unlikely that there are any herbs in them at all, save perhaps for some trace amounts left over from whatever was made in the container before them. Even if they were herbal, they’d be herbal placebos, and when you say “herbal placebo” you’re often just repeating yourself.

I have weird dietary restrictions!

richard — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 05:05:46 +0000

Are these safe to eat if I’m a vegetarian or vegan?

Yes, as far as we know there is no reason that you couldn’t eat these even if you eschew all animal or animal-connected products. If you’re against plant violence, well, then I can tell you that the dextrose and carnauba wax were both extracted rather violently from plants.

Now, that said, keep in mind that these are placebos, and it’s unlikely whether you’ll experience any effect at all from consuming them, so you’re free to order the product and never open the bottle. Or, if you’re on something like the Atkins diet, order away and then dump out the placebos and replace the contents of the bottle with bacon bits, and take a handful three times a day, or whatever.

Our ingredients in our original, spherical pills: Dextrose, Citric Acid, Calcium, Stearate, Tapioca Dextrin, Confectioner’s Glaze, Carnauba Wax, Artificial Flavors & Colors (including FD&C Red 40Lake, Blue 1Lake, Yellow 5Lake, Red 40, Blue 1, Yellow 5) Manufactured by Concord Confections, Inc. Concord, Ontario. L4K3N1.

And, our new “penis-shaped” pills: dextrose, maltodextrin, artificial flavors, calcium stearate, resinous glaze, tapioca, dextrin, carnauba wax, colors (including yellow 5&6, red 40, blue 1).

Do you collect sales tax?

richard — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 05:05:26 +0000

Yes, because we are a a California based business (and, we use business in the loosest possible sense) we must collect sales taxes for shipments to addresses in California. Then, a couple times a year we have to send it into the state after filling out this really long form explaining where we sold everything to.

If you’re a reseller, contact us at info@penisreductionpills.com and we’ll talk terms.

What results can I expect if I use these?

richard — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 05:04:12 +0000

If you use our penis reduction placebo pills as directed, you can expect results like this:

Before taking penis reducing placebos

After taking penis reducing placebos

Will you sell these to a minor?

richard — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 05:03:52 +0000

Although no prescription is required, and although the placebos we sell should in no way affect the size of the wang of a person under age 18 ( 14 in Alabama ), we as a matter of policy will not sell to anyone under the age of 18. Therefore, during checkout we will ask you for your age. Do not lie if you are under 18 and say you’re older, and then try to sound all adult-like and talk about shows like the Golden Girls or about how the kids today, what with wearing their pants down around their knees, because we’re not falling for it and we know you’re not old enough to buy these.

So, we recommend that our customers under age 18 do what we had to do. Steal your dad’s penis reduction pills.

Do you send out email or spam?

richard — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 05:02:39 +0000

Nope. The only email we send out is if you create an account as part of ordering a product from us, status about an order you’ve placed with us, or responses from us if you email us asking a question or making a suggestion. We do not “spam” email addresses, don’t send unsolicited email, and never will.

Please report any unsolicited email from us to abuse@penisreductionpills.com and we’ll do everything we can to determine where it’s coming from and resolve it. If we do somehow have your information (perhaps because someone has signed up with us using your email address) we’ll remove it from our system and try to make sure it doesn’t occur again.

Are you a scummy internet scam designed to steal my money?

richard — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 05:02:14 +0000

We get this a lot. No, we are not a scummy internet scam. No, we aren’t planning to steal your credit card info and run you out of house and home. No, we don’t intend to keep records of our purchasers and use them later to blackmail anyone who happens to buy our product and then become the governor of New York.

Instead, what we are is a small, family based business selling placebos which may or may not reduce the size of the male member, delivered to you in well-sized boxes with our logo printed on all six sides. Since we use PayPal for all our payment processing, we don’t even get your credit card number.

So, you can order from us with confidence, secure in the knowledge that your information is secure. And, if you’re still worried, talk one of your friends into ordering them for you.